I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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