I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
