i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
