Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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