Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
