he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
