omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He felt like a one man threesome
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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