Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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