dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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