dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
