I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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