my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
