I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
