Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
