my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
