I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
