Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
