I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
