So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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