this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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