Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
