I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
