You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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