If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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