Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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