One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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