you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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