Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
True strength comes from lack of pants
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
