When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
