YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
