i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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