Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
