She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
