Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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