Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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