Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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