I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
