Ambien. No doubt about it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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