The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
