I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
...so i touched it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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