in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
