you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
