Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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