God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
