I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
