these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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