Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
