This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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