Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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