Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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