Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
