At least make sure they are 18
Why
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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